"You'll Peck Your Eye Out!"

Spot the monkey!

 This week has been totes cray.  It's like I just posted a blog and now it's already Saturday night!  I was just sitting on a fencepost chewing my bubblegum and, suddenly, out of nowhere (thanks for the "friendly" reminder, a certain family member who gave birth to me)  realized that my blog has been feeling so very lonely.  I know I've said it a million times, but this place is the best.  Yet, somehow it sucks up all the hours.  I don't really know if calling this place "The Twilight Zone" applies because it was before my time....Wait, what are "The Beatles?"  Omg, you used to have to turn dials on the T.V.?  Gag me with a spoon, you're like so totally ancient!" And, yes, I do get all of my insults from the movie Clueless.  Oh, you prefer a more sophisticated sense of humor?  I fart in your general direction love a good, dry wit.

On Sunday, we visited Yad Veshem.  Yad Veshem is a memorial to the Holocaust, and includes the Israeli Holocaust Museum, the Avenue of the Righteous Among the Nations, and many monuments to the victims.  The Avenue of the Righteous Among the Nations is a path lined with trees planted for non-Jews that helped Jews in the Holocaust.  A girl here at the JC had a relative who helped save Jews in the Holocaust, and she found her relative's tree planted in Yad Veshem.  Yad Veshem is a beautiful place.  Our teacher told us that the Israeli Holocaust Museum focuses on the "heroes" of the Holocaust.  It celebrates resistance fighters but downplays the struggles of an average concentration camp member.  I definitely noticed that in the museum.  This museum was different than ones I'd visited in the United States.  It was more informative and seemed less focused on making you cry.  Granted, it was still a tough experience.  But, it did not focus on the camps like American Holocaust Museums.  That night after Yad Veshem we watched Schindler's List so it was a very sobering day all around.

Trees planted for non-Jewish heroes

 Monday we got our free day (we normally have them on Sundays.).  Naturally, we went to a place found nowhere else in the U.S.- the zoo!  This zoo was so much better than any one I'd ever been to before.  The animals weren't in cages- lions cuddled with lambs and I got to ride a tiger and obviously there was a zoo train.  Also, I hypnotized a rooster.  I actually just did a crazy run and chased it around but it alluded me and then hypnotized ME instead (and almost pecked my eye out in the process).  Roosters are tricky little devils!  If I have learned anything new here, it's that if you play with a rooster, you will get burned pecked.  Natural order of things, man.  Also, the roosters here crow (cockadoodle? not sure of the verbage there) at 2 P.M. so clearly there's something in Jerusalem's water that makes them the most annoying animals ever.  The zoo was seriously the best thing ever.  If you think you're too old for a zoo, think again!  This Biblical Zoo has animals that appear in the Bible along with animals that are now extinct in the Holy Land.  We even saw a couple getting married there- or at least the bride had her dress on.  Maybe the couple had their first date there?  It would be more romantic if it wasn't mating season and I hadn't seen some monkeys getting a little too close for comfort.  Also, zoos smell like animals.  Shocker, right? I guess if you're into that sort of thing...eau de bird poop, anyone?   

Spirit animals

The rest of the week is a blur... blah, blah, class, blah, blah, Stick It (the movie), blah, blah, nap on the patio (shh don't tell, no mattresses allowed outside the room.  but oh it was a glorious 2 hours) blah blah blah 

Oh, we had our own Seder!  I didn't take many pics, but here's one.  Take it or leave it.

Flash forward to ICE CREAM FRIDAY!! The Oasis (our cafeteria. It has some wonderful dishes, but potatoes and rice every day starts to lose its tan, mushy luster) becomes a warzone.  Things get real on Friday nights.  It hits the fan, if you know that I mean.  For those kids who don't know, don't ask. (talk to your aunt Megan, little Gwyn.)  This past Friday they put Snickers and chocolate ice cream in the same bowl!  Ooh. heaven is a place on earth...I would love to have an ice cream eating contest here but you don't just go around taking 30 bowls of chocolate ice cream.  Actually, what do I care? "I did NOT come here to make friends!"     

Friday night was also Israeli dancing! This guy named Boaz (man in pharoah costume below) taught us some great dances.  We were a little better at them than the Arab dancing, but that's nothing to be proud of.  White + Mormon = all we know how to do is mosh to "Everytime We Touch."  Woah, no need to get defensive, people! I love that song, too.  It's just when I try to dance it's like, "Where do my hands go?" "How do I make my face look normal and not like I'm concentrating really hard?" Hint: don't stick your tongue out.  "Oh, they have refreshments?"  "Good, I was getting worried that I wouldn't be able to awkwardly hover around a plate of off-brand Oreos for 20 minutes." I realize this story sounds oddly realistic, but I can tell you that the food at our Purim party was top notch (more on that later).     

Way more trippy than it seems

I just got back from an aforementioned Purim dance party so you could say I'm pretty happy.  Line dances and lots of Israeli dances that we did not know how to do.  I kept turning the wrong way and bumping into the old ladies who shot me dirty looks.  At least I knew one dance the Macarena! The one dance I knew how to do and the old ladies can still do it.  What is happening to the world? 

We had limited resources for the whole "costume" part, okay??

BO-AZ

Earlier today I went to the Garden of Gethsemene (really more a representation of what it looked it than the actual thing) for the first time.  A little anticlimactic, but at least I got pictures to prove I went!  "Pics or it didn't happen" isn't normally a phrase I use, but maybe I'm turning over a new leaf! Blog posts 3 times a week?  Getting 9 hours of sleep?  Hey, it could happen!  But don't hold your breath or anything...I'm off to Tel Aviv tomorrow and then celebrating Purim some more because it's just like Halloween, people!  My chance to be my normal weird self and it's acceptable.  Pretending to lick my paw hand (I don't think I'm a cat, I swear. I KNOW I'm a cat.  And if you don't appreciate the fact that I'm a cat lover and mention them in every blog post, you can leave.  Just kidding!  I didn't really mean it! I need all the followers I can get!)  

Glass Grass

"This is the fertility sculpture of the Ndebele tribe! Does that mean anything to you?"

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future...but really I can't believe it's been over a week since my last post!  I always rolled my eyes at people who would talk about being "so busy."  You honestly didn't have the time (and willpower) to watch all six seasons of LOST in 2 months last semester?  Sure you didn't...But between going on field trips, attending class for SIX HOURS A DAY (aka eternity), and training for the BYU soccer team (kidding, but only a little), I hardly even have time for my required one nap a day!  If I wasn't physically incapable of falling asleep in class, my life would be so much better...Oh, hey there dad! Things are going great! I love all my classes and take the best notes ever and always sit in the front row so I can participate!

Arab Culture Night!

Over a week and a half ago, we went to the Shephelah.  The Shephelah is in the Judean foothills, not too far south from Jerusalem.  I wasn't going to blog about it, but then I realized I have some amazing pictures from it, so I guess I'll suck it up.  We went to the place where David and Goliath battled- it's called Azekah.  We also went to a place associated with the story of Samson, but I forgot to take pictures of my long, flowing hair being shaved.  Surprise! That's the real reason I haven't been posting.  What can I say, I just want to be Britney in 2008!  One of my favorite sites we went to that day was a Columbarium.  It's an ancient place where pigeons were once kept.  Why I like acting like a pigeon, I'll never know, but I got some good pics.   

*pigeon cooing*

Ugh, I'm dying. Giant problems.

Happy Valentine's Day, readers!  I've never truly understood why some people hate on this glorious holiday.  Not that I ever need an excuse to overdose on chocolate, but I'll take it!  And if you don't get any chocolate from your lover-boy friend, just go to the store and buy some pretending it's not for you!  Pathetic/sad, smart/resourceful.  Potato, potahto.  Valentine's Day here has been great so far- we have these tiny mailboxes in which people put notes and candy.  So what if I padded mine with a little extra chocolate?  I'm going to eat it anyway, so why not just keep it out in the open and up my popularity?  If only the Center's cats had opposable thumbs, then my mailbox would be overflowing with cute notes! (and dead squirrels!)

Feeling right at home with all the greenery

When I think about it, I actually have some great Valentine's Day memories.  Getting selfies (yeah, he did them before they were cool.  Ugh, hipsters are everywhere.) and half-melted Hershey's kisses from an admirer in the 4th grade?  Happened on Valentine's Day.  Spending the entire day in the Cannon center last year?  That would be on Valentine's Day.  I'm pretty sure I'll remember this year's V-Day in the future.  Because on the menu for dinner tonight are just two slightly worrisome and offputting words: "AMERICAN FOOD."  Am I supposed to be so anxious about that?  After my experience with KFC here, I don't know how I should be feeling.

Sunday, I walked around my hometown.  Is it weird that I already feel at home in the Old City?  Only a few things are different from Provo.  Here, men offer me a million camels and everyone you go it's "a special price for you."  It's also a little less clean here.  Trashcans are sooo 20th century.  And, Provo doesn't sell baklava on every street corner- in my dreams, maybe.

First, we visited the pools of Bethesda.  Disabled people in Christ's time used to gather around the pools and touch the water where they saw a ripple occur.  Supposedly, one could be healed by touching the pools at the right time.  At one point I got separated from the group and it was glorious.  Sweet, sweet freedom.  I'm rarely alone here- I love people but I just love some more than others, you know?  Then, came one of the greatest moments of my trip.  We played soccer with young Palestinian children.  The best part was that they were all around my skill level (a.k.a. able to run without tripping and dance like nobody's watching and sing like nobody's listening.  but not that last one- tone deafness is real, people!)  We played for around 45 minutes and beat them to the ground.  No mercy for 10-yr-old boys that were not the best at soccer.  We were given (because the other team didn't want them) two twin boys, Ahmed and Muhammad, to complete our team.  They were adorable.  But before our next game, I need to do some research.  I'll figure out how to say things like "Good game" and "Shoot it" and "Crush him like a walnut, Muhammad!"

Who is that girl I see, starting straight back at me??

After working up a sweat (and only embarrassing myself a little bit), we headed over to the Tower of David museum.  And guess what was there?  Some sculptures created by Chihuly!  I just went to the Chihuly exhibit in Richmond over winter break.  I thought it was amazing seeing the Chihuly exhibit at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts, but this was so so much better.  It's true what I've been hearing- everything is better in Jerusalem.  Except for the whole not being able to watch Hulu thing here.  Not cool, but also very good for me because it makes me talk to real people.  The Tower of David was really great, but also freezing cold.  As in, my inner zombie was coming out.  I've thought about it until recently, but I could totally be an extra in The Walking Dead!  I would barely need any makeup because I'm already blue.  I've also perfected my zombie walk/moan.  You know what they say- dream big and you can achieve anything.  I have a dream, and that dream is to be an undead extra.  So, if you all could give me lotsa moneys that would be great.  I can't imagine it would pay very much.  And, it better go on for at least 10 seasons if I want my dream to last.

So, there I was, exhausted from sleep deprivation and freezing to death even though there were Israeli soliders a few hundred meters away (yeah, you KNOW I was in bad shape when even they couldn't warm my soul).  Skylar & Lizzi somehow convinced me to go into one last exhibit in the tower before we headed back.  I dragged my feet through the door, and then I saw it... AN OLD-FASHIONED PHOTO CORNER!  And, I'm pretty sure it was designed with me in mind.  My favorite pasttime is dressing up weirdly and editing my pictures so they're sepia.  Doesn't matter if you're holding a cell phone or wearing pants as a woman, when you make a picture sepia it means it's old.  I actually waited for pretended to wait for Kaiser Wilhelm to arrive in Jerusalem in 1898.  We used a fancy iPad to add props and mustaches to the picture after.  Speaking of the hairy beasts, the mustache trend is sweeping the JC and it's not good.  I just don't get it- why would you want to have a hairy caterpillar over your lip at all times?  Is it for hiding fun things?  I know people have started to let themselves go a little here/not care what they look like, but this is taking it to the extreme.  I've decided that along with being a zombie, I'm going to work at that exhibit.  If I wasn't "SO BUSY," I would start today.  We were all super jealous of the man working at the exhibit.  I bet he has a million pictures of himself and is actually a model.  How could you not be when all you do is take pictures of yourself.  I bet he knows every last curve and angle in his face!

Shalom!

All credit goes to Skylar- I'm not artsy at all

On Monday, we went to the City of David.  There's a lot of history there.  But, just to name a few things- David saw Bathsheba bathing there and Nephi went there to slay Laban.  Our main focus of the trip was walking through Hezekiah's tunnel.  Most of the time, the water stayed around our ankles.  At the beginning and end of the tunnel, it was around mid-thigh.  I wore shorts and temporarily blinded everyone with my pasty pale legs.  Nothing like a farmer's tan to make you feel pretty and happy and gay.  Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures from the tunnel because I didn't want to risk getting my camera wet.  You'll have to imagine it the best you can from my description.  The tunnel is about 23-26 inches wide and less than 6 ft tall for most of the 500 meters.  I would not recommedn having a dance party when there are only a few inches between your head and a rock ceiling.  Actually, it was totally worth it.  What's a dance party without seeing stars and almost blacking out?

After Hezekiah's Tunnel (a stolen pic)

Since then, we've had class and I also hit up the chocolate store.  I haven't taken too many pictures- I'm a disgrace to myself and bring dishonor on my family.  I've just been trying to enjoy myself and take in the nightlife.  1,000-piece puzzles are a good time!  Okay, time to get studying and/or sleeping.  Did I mention I never sleep here?  But it's okay because I'll just use it as method acting for my future dream role.

Le'heet'ra'ote!
(Until we meet again)

Camels & Bread Puddin'

 I'M BAAACK!

Sorry for not posting for a while- I was in Jordan!  The highlight by far was Petra.  I mean have you ever been on a CAMEL before?  There were also some tombs and a Treasury and a Monastery...now back to the camel.  That camel ride was exhilarating, inspiring, unbelievable, and life changing. 
But mostly, it was terrifying.  I mean, what if the badboy decided to go 0 to 60 in 3.5?  Just in case that happened, I sat up straight as a board and held on super tight.  The owner looked at me like I was crazy and just kept telling me to relax (and kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia!!!)  Another great part about the camel ride is that we ended up right in front of Petra's infamous treasury.  You may know it from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  We watched it after we got back and now I have a new favorite quote: "You have chosen poorly."  I'll use it on my Israeli soldier boyfriend when he breaks up with me for a girl that actually speaks his language.  I know it's just a spring fling, but it doesn't mean it'll hurt any less...

CAMELS ARE MY LIFE

Petra was miserable at first because the sun wasn't out.  As usual, I started turning into a zombie and losing circulation in my fingers.  I wanted to pretend to rise out of a tomb, but was discouraged from doing so. Something about preserving ancient history by not climbing on antiquities?  I secretly think they were worried because I make such a convincing zombie. (Just ask my brother what I look like in the morning)

The high place for sacrifice

My favorite spot was the monastery.  My least favorite part was walking up the 800 steps to said monastery.  It was literally (looking at you, Chris Traeger) the worst trek I've ever made.  I told them to go on without me...Also, I was hangry after walking so much, so I may have said some things I want to forget.  To any and all cats I sent dirty looks, I sincerely apologize.  Your fur may be matted and dirty, but you still have feelings! (And you can probably really hurt me when provoked.)  I got food soon after that, no worries.  And the best part about where we ate lunch?  They had bread pudding! Our hotel in Amman also had bread pudding...and yes, I did eat a quadruple portion.  What can I say, I'm a sucker for some soggy bread!

My personal hell-stairs

While at the monastery, I pretended I was both Indiana Jones and a conqueror.  I have perfected my whipping sound- most of the time it either sounds like a cougar growl or a dying cow.  Guess my BYU All-Sports Pass was good for something- I never would have learned to make the growl without it!

The hotel in Amman, where we spent two nights after Petra, was pretty nice.  I was really stoked about being put in the "Prince Suite."  I'm sure people got sick of my "SUITE LIIIFE" comments, but I couldn't help myself.  I relaxed in a king size bed as one man fanned me with a palm frond and the other fed me bonbons.  Supposedly, the restaurant at the hotel had some sort of alcoholic dessert.  I searched far and wide for it did my best to stay away from it.  Hey, it all cooks out, right?  In Amman, we went to a beautiful indoor mall and I almost died after going to Mecca the MAC store.

Dat leg pop

The next day, we went to Jerash, the site of many ancient ruins (the most famous of which is Hadrian's Arch).  I enjoyed reenacting many of my favorite scenes from Hercules and pretending to be a Roman legion.  The weirdest thing was how some Jordanian men were playing bagpipes.  My brain couldn't quite comprehend it.  I thought only Scotsmen could play the bagpipes?  Like is it even physically possible for Jordanians to play them?  THEY DON'T HAVE RED HAIR!!

We are the muses, goddesses of the arts, and proclaimers of heroes

The last stop (with others in-between and KFC for lunch.  I won't dwell on it too long, but let's just say there's a reason I haven't had KFC in forever.  Even the french fries were soggy- dishonor on all of the Colonel's family!) was Bethany beyond Jordan.  While we were there, a man got baptized.  It was really peaceful and serene if you ignored the Israeli soldiers holding machine guns.  I wanted so badly to swim across the river, but my friends tried to convince me that the soldiers would hurt me.  I eventually decided not to do it only because the river was a unappealing shade of vomit.

As for Center news, I'm on my way to becoming a soccer star.  I know I said that about basketball, but I'm forreal(z?s?) this time.  I mean, how many people do you know that can juggle the ball 3 times without talking and only by concentrating really hard?  I also bought some genie pants the other day.  I think they're called that because they make people think there's just a big blob under them and not actually legs.  Or maybe they actually fuse your legs together with their genie magic.  Honestly, no one would know if that was the case based on how ill-fitting they are.  Mostly, I bought them so I can smuggle things- including, but not limited to chocolate pillows (the best cereal I've ever had), stray cats, candy, and more genie pants.