So This One Time I Went to Ephesus

Yello!  Get ready to get your mind blown by this awesome post!  Speaking of mind-blowing, I can't believe my March Madness bracket is so messed up.  I am a basketball fanatic- that means you can really appreciate the handsomeness of basketball players, right? Well, I chose my teams based on how connected I felt to them.  You know, like, (Random Super Small College of Eastern Montana.  Actually, I'm thinking that could be a future band name.  I call playing the tambourine!).  Well, I never like to dwell on my failures.  (Okay, seriously? I've only crashed into my house, like, three times, at the most.)  Let's do it to it!

Thursday, I woke up, scrambled to pack everything, and stuffed into my mouth like Bruce eating chocolate cake in Matilda ate some Digestives for breakfast.  They're this super delicious biscuit/cookie from England that supposedly also get things moving.  Feels like something I should be eating in a few decades, but I'm just such an old soul.  Okay, they're pretty delicious but to be honest I would have eaten real breakfast if I had the time.  I'm pretty sure they had real Nutella at breakfast, which would have been wonderful.  They serve us some chocolate imitation crap here.  I can't even eat it, so you know it must be bad.  (This is coming from the girl who wrote PEZ candy on her Christmas list one year.  And, man, did my relatives deliver!  A whole shoebox full of PEZ? Yes, please!)  So, our first stop was the Basilica of St. John.  From there you can see one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World- the Temple of Artemis.  Nowadays, it's just a baby marsh with turtles and storks living in it.  Hey, if my house turns out to be an animal sanctuary, I'll think my life turned out okay.

Chillin' in an ancient pot

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!"

Then, we bussed it over to the big kahuna- Ephesus!  What what.  It was cold in the morning, but once we got to Ephesus, it got a lot warmer.   I probably got warmer because I was committing so much to my many acting projects.  Walking Dead, Ephesus style?  It happened.  Harlem Shake in the ruins?  You know it.  Getting booked by a casting agent for the part of "Weird Dancing American Girl?"  Well, it was actually for "Turkey's Next Top Model," but I told them my schedule is just too hectic given I also have to rehearse for the Walking Dead.  I've decided that I'm best suited to play a zombie.  Okay, and I know I will get a bigger part in the Walking Dead.  I'll start off small as an extra, and gradually become to head zombie.  And you want to know why?  Because I can commit. Seriously, I laid down in a wet and muddy tomb all in the name of cinematic masterpiece!   

Ugh, my butt is so wet right now

Ephesus has lots of great ruins, like the large library, the first advertisement ever (for prostitution, but we'll disregard that lil' detail), and the huge amphitheater.  Naturally, I had to wrestle in there.  Some people sang, but I prefer the unorthodox routes of life.  For example, I think oatmeal raisin cookies can sometimes be on the same level as chocolate chip.  Don't you go throwing stones at me- raisins are wonderful things!  I took many pictures of cats (what else is new? maybe I should send all of my suitors to this blog so they can see if they can know what they're getting themselves into.  I just don't want my husband to be surprised when he's greeted by 20 cats in the morning!)  

Cheesin' with a kitty

Omg we're like totally twinners in the amphitheater!

Also in Ephesus?  The infamous picture in the back of LDS Bibles-not gonna lie, it was pretty cool.  And, plenty of sculpture re-enactments.  They're extra great when you ask randos to take the picture (like the zombie ones) and they laugh at how weird you are.  Hey, I'll take a pity/you are so weird laugh any day!  As long as I get my picture, that's all that matters at the end of the day.  

A lion "draped" (loose interpretation) around Hercules

Later in the day, we hit up Prienne.  There were gray columns/rocks and I got in trouble for walking through the forest.  Call me Sacajawea.  I mean, just last night I tried lemon ice cream! (and promptly spit it out and then ate 5 bowls of chocolate.  My definition of "adventure" isn't too crazy- you won't see me cutting off my own arm ala "127 Hours" anytime soon.)  We went back to the hotel later and I ate 5 billion Digestives because I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!

 It's Friday, people!  (What my history teacher would say every week in a really funny voice.  And yes, it is a good story in person.  You just had to be there okay?)  On Friday it rained and rained and rained some more for good measure.  All the girls huddled together to stay warm/dry-ish.  Sardis was the site of an ancient temple, I believe.  Look, I didn't take many pictures and most of my energy was spent trying to conserve my body heat/do this thing where you imagine yourself drinking hot chocolate and it makes your body temperature increase dramatically.*  When we went to Thyatira, I stopped being a wimp and I embraced the rain.  We all fought in the gymnasium ruins like cool kids.

ULTIMATE PUNCH

We love Bro. Schade!

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful.  I got a good few hours of sleeping on the bus.  We went to the Grand Mosque, which was pretty mosque-y.  Beautiful calligraphy, people taking their siestas (or the Muslim equivalent).  Then, we shopped around.  When I pictured shops, though, I can't say I immediately thought of random underwear vendors or vests meant for the fashion-challenged (of course my friends just had to buy them and a shopkeeper asked if they were presents for their grandmothers.  I was like my grandmas are fashionable, they wouldn't wear those crazy things!  Shout out to the Gs!).  For dessert, we had profiteroles and I almost passed out from happiness.  Psh, yeah, right.  I couldn't pass out because I had to steal everyone else's who left a few crumbs!   

Saturday was the best/worst day of my life.  If you're waiting for me to say I'm kidding, think again!  The whole day was freezing cold/rainy.  That was obviously the "worst" part of it all.  Luckily, I'm the smartest little cookie Digestive I know so I wore a thin skirt and my even thinner rain jacket.  And I wonder how I got pneumonia in the 10th grade...We visited Nicea (Nicean Creed, what up!) and then drove to Istanbul.  We made it to the Hagia Sophia with 10 minutes to closing.  The place was incredible and huge.  The mosaics were well-preserved also.  The one downside of it/certain sites in Turkey was that there were so many tourists.  Like, get out of here!

After the Hagia Sophia, we were given free time until dinner.  Uncharacteristically, I did not want to go shopping.  Well, I did, but mostly I was focused on surviving.  I wouldn't make it more than 5 minutes in the Hunger Games.  Most of you know I have this thing where the blood drains from my fingers and it's just really unpleasant (I know, crying a river over here).  I have zero tolerance for the cold and was a wreck.  Then, I saw it.  Mecca.  No, heaven.  No, STARBUCKS.  It was like nothing else mattered and I almost got down and kissed the floor but I didn't want to seem too excited.  That's what they tell you to do in the shops here- if you act like you love something (even though you really do and you honestly NEED those pink elephant harem pants or you're going to cry), then they will be much more likely to rip you off.  But, I digress.  I ordered my regular hot chocolate, and slowly became a human again.  I even got a new name- Tase!  Language barrier + uncommon name= great interpretations of it on coffee cups!  Once I got my strength/personality back, I was ready to conquer the Bazaar!  That's right, the great news was that we could return!  We had a little more than two hours, which was plenty of time to get some amazing things and make it back to the bus with seconds to spare.

BAZAAR

Dinner was very controversial/polarizing.  You see, they served us a whole fish for dinner.  I like fish but there was this one time a fish bone got stuck in my throat and it was not comfortable.  I thought the fish was pretty tasty, but many people disagreed.  Some insane and disgusting people ate the eyeballs........(I was waiting for people to stop gagging but then I realized that my uncles would probably do that).  We went from dinner to the airport, where we just chilled until our red eye at 1 A.M.  We stumbled back to the JC around 4 A.M. and promptly crashed.  And, that my friends, sums up an amazing week!

I was so excited/hungry that my mouth couldn't stay closed...

Thanks for your patience in my posting and I will try really hard to post again (it would have to be  tomorrow so don't hold your breath) before we leave for Galilee!! I have a paper due and it's Easter, but whatevs.  Also on the agenda for tomorrow?  Garden Tomb Easter service at 6:30 and soccer with Palestinian children.  I love my life!





*So, I haven't been to medical school, but I do watch every episode of Grey's Anatomy.  Mostly, I love hot chocolate so I'd say I'm pretty qualified.   
   

Turkish De-nasty

So............do I apologize?  Do I pretend that all my fingers were broken in Turkish oil wrestling?  Or would fight club be a more believable story?  Because I can't talk about fight club, I'll just say that's the reason why it's been forever and a day since my last post.  Also, I feel like this is my middle school diary journal.  "Dear Diary, Sorry I haven't written in a while..." Pretty sure I have at least 20 entries that start with that exact phrase.  Then, I would write about what I watched on T.V. that day because clearly my priorities haven't changed much.  Also, Survivor is so OLD.  Now that I've successfully haggled, dodged mangy cats, and eaten the same food for days on end (see my notes on lentil soup), I think I could do pretty well on that show!  My middle school entires also contained really interesting insights like "I think I like Bob, but Fred is really nice and cool, too.  I wonder if Carl will ask me to the dance on Friday?" (names have been changed to protect identities)  But, I digress and should start writing about Turkey.  Wait, one more excuse.  The Turkish internet was really slow plus one night I went to bed at 8:30 P.M.  I can't help it, I'm an old soul at heart.  Except that I haven't yet become accustomed to the taste of licorice or falling asleep in my recliner (here's lookin' at you, Gramps).  Enough of my ramblings...hold onto your butts!  It's Turkey time!

We left for the Ben Gurion International Airport Sunday morning.  The flight from Tel Aviv to Istanbul was around 2 hours- not too shabby.  I slept the entire time because my 10 hours the night before wasn't enough and also the plane just rocks me to sleep.  Give me crying babies and the beep of the seatbelt sign and I'll be out in 5 minutes.  We met our tour guide, Negept, right off the plane.  He gave us Turkish Delight and I thought, "Hey, this stuff is pretty good.  I can't wait to buy more."  Well, that was a bad idea.  I'm pretty sure he found the absolute best kind in the country to give to us.  The rest of the kinds I sampled?  Not good.  See my title for I super creative and sensical nickname for it.  Creativity- I has it!  After my failed forays into foreign fare, I've decided I have to return to the good stuff- baklava and cinnamon sugar pitas.  They're the only guys (yes, I've resorted to finding friends in my food.  Is this a new low?  No, that would probably be the time I had to eat fruit for dessert.  Whatever you do, don't do that!) who are consistently there for me.  So, not much happened on the first day.  The weather was beautiful and we learned a little about Turkey.  For dinner, we got our first taste of kebabs.  And, it would not be our last.  Kebabs, along with lentil soup, are a part of Turkish identity.  Now, sparingly, those lentils are pretty delicious.  By my tenth bowl of lentil soup, I (and my digestive tract) was so done.  Somehow, every Turkish restaurant follows the exact same (you can quote me on that) lentil soup recipe.  Or, more likely, there's just a giant vat of lentil soup in some Turkish factory where all of the restaurants get their soup.  They send their men with tons of tupperware and fill 'em up.  Genius, really.

Negypt and his trademark faux hawk 

Monday was so jam-packed, I don't know where to begin!  Of all things that stood out, Muhammad's beard hair was high on the list.  I was just so shocked- they must have amazing preservation techniques in Turkey because his beard was just as clean and luscious as it probably definitely was back in the day.  I can only hope that my beard hair keeps its shine so long!  The infamous locks were found at the Topkapi Palace.  Pretty cool, if you're into that sort of thing.  Personally, I'm pretty low-maintenance and don't need all of that frivolity to be happy. (Quick, mom! Destroy my tiara and abandon the nickname "Princess Tess!")  The palace was very impressive. Today, there are exhibits in the palace with golden thrones and jewels.    

Topkapi Palace

Get out of my picture, crazy tourists!

Another great stop was the Blue Mosque.  I covered my hair inside, but many people don't because the mosque is so touristy now. If you go to Istanbul, you most go to the mosque.  And no, that's no typo- lame puns are in for spring!  (luckily, so are man pants and your mom's swim suits from the 90s.  score 1 for me!) 

   

One of my favorite spots of the day was the Basilica Cistern.  At one point it was filled with water, and there's still some water with fish.  If you asked for a definition of depressing, I would show you a picture of those fish.  I'm pretty sure I saw one trying to drown himself?  Yeah, I didn't think it was possible either.  The Cistern was the best because it looked exactly like the cistern that a previous Bachelorette contestant visited once.  Trash T.V.?  I don't know the meaning of the word! Anyway, I couldn't find a boy to be my date to the Cistern, so I recruited my friend to be the boy.  I pinned some headphones on her en lieu of a rose.  It was all probably rather strange to on-lookers, but it was just a normal day for me.  Another normal event?  Me posing like Medusa next to the Medusa head while everyone else just smiled.  I'm promise I'm normal/the clear stuff in my water bottle is actually water.    

Will you accept this rose?

Creepy McCreepster

Smiling in pictures?! Preposterous!

The Grand Bazaar came next.  I'm trying to play it cool on here but I don't think I can hold it in (much like how I peed myself in excitement when I first laid eyes on the place)....THE GRAND BAZAAR WAS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED AND MORE.  I urged my friends to "just leave me here" and "go on without me," but they decided the teachers wouldn't appreciate my intentional lostness.  The best/worst part of the day was hearing that the Grand Bazaar has 4,000 shops.  It was the worst because after that piece of information, I was told I would have only one hour to spend there.  You can't just dangle a carrot like the Grand Bazaar in front of me and then give me 60 minutes to shop there!  Not cool, guys.  I ended up being so frazzled I just bought some crappy Turkish Delight and ran around like a headless chicken.  But, there is a happy ending to my story.  No, I didn't discover a natural chocolate fountain or be crowned the cat goddess or find $20 in my pocket.  In part II of my Turkey recap, you'll get to hear all about my return trip to the Grand Bazaar! 

After the Grand Bazaar, we took an hour boat ride around the Dardanelles.  I was super excited because I didn't get seasick like I have in the past.  The whale watching incident of '04 was a doozy.  I blamed it on the egg sandwich, but we all know I was just covering myself.  Poor egg sandwich, it didn't deserve to get mixed up in all that.  Dinner was kebabs, I think.  Let's go with that.   

For once in my life this scene was staged!

Oh my gosh, Tuesday was a really great day because we got to see Troy!!!! Wow, what a magnificent site.  Maybe even the best place we've visited thus far.  I highly recommend it.  I mean, who wouldn't want to pose next to a giant black blob?  Yeah, so the only cool part about Troy is that it has the prop horse from the 2004 film Troy there.  Tourists pose in the head holes and take pictures.   But, when we got there, it was covered by a giant black tarp for maintenance.  Oh well, I got to bust out my dejected face.  Celebrate the small victories.  Basically, do your research before heading to Troy.  But, if all else fails, just have your own rap performance in the ancient theater.  I had an audience of two and some tourist didn't realize I was in the middle of a big show so she decided to join me.  

Play the sad Charlie Brown song in your head as you look at this 

Putting on a show 

Layers of strata at Troy-so, it wasn't a total bust

Before Troy, we went to the ANZAC memorial.  It commemorates members of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps who died in the Gallipoli Campaign during World War I.  The Allies set out to capture the Gallipoli Peninsula in order to gain access to the Black Sea.  The Gallipoli Campaign consisted of brutal trench warfare, and at many points the water was deep red with blood.  Sorry, I'm even boring myself so I imagine most of you have skipped to the end of the pictures by now.  Actually, I watched the movie Gallipoli in 9th grade and remember liking it.  By that, I mean I remember that Mel Gibson was a lot more attractive back in the day.  For more info on Gallipoli/ANZAC, consult Wikipedia.  I've used it for the past 8 or so years and it hasn't failed me yet!  The setting for Gallipoli is beautiful, and it's hard to imagine the scene back in 1915.  We all sang "Nearer, My God, To Thee" and reflected on the brutality of war.  After we sang, an Australian couple approached us to express their appreciation.  They said it was refreshing and moving to witness a group of American students paying their respects at an Australian/New Zealand war memorial.  I think our teacher was pretty proud of that.      

In Turkey, the name of the game was driving.  After the ferry ride to Troy, we drove to a completely empty seaside resort.  It was a good thing no one else was there because we were our usual loud and obnoxious selves.  Food-eating competitions, diving in restricted areas, you know.   

Wednesday was a bloody great day.  By bloody great, I mean that I fell twice and also mother nature paid a visit.  Too much info?  I'd like to see them try to censor this loose cannon!  I can't be tamed!!  One of my two falls occurred at Assos.  ANZAC was beautiful, but Assos probably took first place.  From our vantage point, we could see the beautiful water below and even the island of Lesbos in Greece.  Confession time.  The real reason I haven't written in a while is because I jumped off the cliff into the water and then swam over the Greece.  I did traditional "Greek" things like doing shots and eating stuffed grape leaves.  Then, my class noticed I was gone and killed my (literal) buzz by bringing me home.  

I'm pretty sure I could live here

The next stop on our agenda was Pergamon.  Pergamon was super windy and it had ruins.  Sound familiar?  It sure felt like deja vu to me.  That's not true, there were a few more ruins in Pergamon than the ruins in Israel.  And, Pergamon was set in beautiful green hills that made me feel like I was Gollum in the Lord of the Rings.  I mean, I should want to play an elfin queen (did they have queens, my nerdy siblings?), but I just make really good/creepy faces!  That night we checked in to our hotel and I knew where I had to go first- the discotec. That's right, our hotel had its very own.  Unfortunately, I had to get there before my bedtime which means it was pretty dead.  I didn't really get it- 6:30 P.M. is a perfectly acceptable time to go to the club.  Well, at that point it was actually a makeshift BINGO hall.  That probably explains why I enjoyed it so much.  

"Across the sea, o'er the horizon..."

I think that's good for now.  Be ready for a super great Part II recap in the near future!  Stay safe and book your flights to Turkey right now!   

Sheep Thrill

Oh man, has it been too long.  Finals (and a midterm for one class) are upon the JC Students!  I may or may not have a paper to write, but I can't neglect my little blog.  So much has happened! Except not this week.  Just picture me glued to a chair and in between I eat some food and get a few hours of sleep.  Okay, it hasn't been that bad, but I've learned from the best that most stories need a little extra "umph" ("lying" isn't in my vocabulary.).  In honor on exam week, I've decided that I can only wear sweats and glasses and no makeup.  The glasses will make me smarter, and the rest is part of my awesome plan.  After this week, when I slap on a little mascara and put in my contacts, people can be amazed at the transformation.  A sure-fire way to get tons of compliments!  The people who wrote "She's All That" had such a great thing going- it's pretty much a scientific fact that people with glasses are smarter and therefore more nerdy.  I mean, have you SEEN how Velma looks when she blindly searches for her glasses in any episode of Scooby Doo?  Omg, how embarrassing...

Let's take it back to where it all began...the day after my last entry.  Tel Aviv is a magical place filled with rainbows and butterflies and passion fruit smoothies.  There's also a beach there, but we didn't spend a ton of time there.  There was this whole incident where I stubbed my toe and blood gushed out...pics to follow just for the squeamish!  It was pretty gross and I had to limp the rest of the day a little bit (cue violins, am I right?)  We explored the flea market aka junk sale.  Unless you're into used spoons and broken toys, there wasn't too much to get there.  But hey, one man's used toothbrush is another man's treasure!

Boardwalk and Beach

Look mom, I have (two) friends! 

We then walked (or hobbled, in my case) into the city for about an hour and a half.  After finding out the Purim festival had already happened, the only possible way to get over it was by eating French pastries and Cinnabon.  Why yes, I do like to pretend I'm both a sophisticated Parisian and a middle school mall patron at the same time.  You can take the girl out of Virginia, but...well, you know the rest.  Dinner was at an amazing Asian restaurant called Giraffe.  Pad Thai and Indian curry, how I've missed you!  It was so good, and really fun because a lot of patrons and staff were dressed in their Purim costumes.  Go to Giraffe the next time you're in Tel Aviv, you'll won't regret it.  And, if you hate it, you didn't hear it from me! "Deny, deny, deny" is a great motto to live by. (And die by.  They'll never take me alive get me to confess to eating that last bit of chocolate amaretto bread pudding!!)

Hello, gorgeous

We strolled on back to the beach, had the most amazing gelato and went home.  It was a great day overall.  Started off a little rough because I was the last one awake Saturday night (blogging, obvi) and was really tired in the morning.  I am so not a morning person...picture the bride of Frankenstein with a little bit of Chucky and a whole lot of Cruella de Vil (my hair in the morning).  Basically, stay far, far away from this girl between the hours of 7 A.M. and 7 P.M.

Monday, we went to a Biblical preservation place thingy.  I don't really know how to define it, only that we got to experience activities that Biblical-era people would do.  Like...sheep herding!! Okay, I didn't think I liked animals very much (aside from cats) before coming here.  But, I fell in love with the camel in Petra and I fell in love with the sheep at Neot Kedumim.  The key to sheep herding?  Words of encouragement!  I just tried to put myself in their hooves and thought about what I would like to hear if I was being corralled in a group of people by sheep.  I decided to say things like "You go, girl!" and "Ooh, did you get your wool combed recently?"  And, the classic, "You're baa-utiful!"  I was the best shearleader out there by far. 

There, there ewe little precious baby

Another highlight of Neto Kedumim was making our own food.  I single-handedly chopped all the wood and made (started? built?) the fire for lentil soup and pitas.  Just kidding, don't believe everything you read on the Internet (or most anything you read on this blog!)  You know I just chopped two onions for the soup and called it good.  But other people actually did chop the wood and make the fires.  It was like camping but without the bad parts like waking up in a rain puddle (seriously every time you go camping!) and getting attacked by a pack of wild boars (it could happen, you never know).

I spy my tiny head!

Torah scribe at Neot Kedimum

 The craziest thing happened on our way back from Neot Kedumim.  It actually isn't crazy if you live in the Holy Land, but it was for us students.  We saw two men lower a rope down from the West Bank side of the Separation Wall and drop down to the other side.  Our Palestine teacher said that most people do this to find better work in the Israeli side.  They don't have the necessary papers to go through the checkpoint, so they have to climb the Wall.  Two of the three men made it safely to the other side, but the other one had to pull up the rope quickly because a police car was driving toward them. 

On Tuesday for an hour, I went to the Princess Basma school in East Jerusalem to teach English to 5-yr-old Palestinian children.  The first time my teaching partner and I went, it was a little overwhelming.  The only time they were quiet was when I sang "Do as I'm doing."  That would be okay if the song was 10 minutes long, but it was over in 30 seconds.  We were supposed to teach "healthy" and "unhealthy" foods.  Somehow, they all believed that french fries were healthy (hey, they're potatoes), but other than that they knew a lot.  Also, a word of advice- the game "hot potato" is not played very much over here.  So, be willing to scrap your ideas and adapt (even when that was SUCH A GREAT IDEA BECAUSE THEY'RE LEARNING ABOUT FOODS.  Whatever, it's fine.  I didn't care that much).  That first time we went was a little hectic.  It got a lot better the second time, on Thursday, when we played outside.  They definitely know "Duck, Duck Goose" and "Red Light, Green Light."  If I learned anything, it's that little kids need plenty of time to run around.  And, I'm the slowest "goose" in the world even though my legs are 3 ft longer than all of the children's legs.  No one wants to get tagged in that game.  Noooo, not the stew pot!! No one wants to get put in the stew pot!    

They wouldn't let go of our hands

"Marhaba! Hello!"

SO CUTE

Last Friday we ran the JERUSALEM MARATHON (aka the Jerusalem 10K, but that doesn't roll off the tongue as well).  6.2 miles never felt so much like I was going to pass out/have my legs fall off fantastic.  I vaguely remember doing cross-country for 4 years in high school, but that was a different time.  I'm in a new decade of my life, remember?!  My group and I (okay mostly it was me because little baby whiner face is my middle name) decided to sprint the downhills and walk the uphills.  And boy, did we fly!  Inhaling bugs, weaving in and out of the slowpokes, you know.  It was a beautiful course that went through parts of the Old City, the famous Ben Yahude street in West Jerusalem, and overlooks of the countryside.  The only downside was just how crowded the race was.  It never spread out, which was a little annoying.  If I hadn't been running so super fast (ignore the walking part I said earlier.  I was saying that because my walking is most people's sprinting), I could've stopped to take pics.  If we're being honest here, I only really did it for the t-shirt and medal.  Everyone knows you didn't actually run a race if you didn't get a t-shirt.  And, you have to kiss your medal to make it legit. 

Sweet, sweet victory

Did I mention I ran backwards the whole time?

Sunday morning we're leaving for TURKEY!!!!!!! I don't think I can even convey my excitement with all of those exclamation points.  I was just worried y'all would think I wasn't excited if I didn't put at least three.  I'll take tons of pics and you can bet that this next blog post will be filled with fun.